


Shrike

by Riotstar



Series: Remember Me, Love [1]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:47:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26973907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riotstar/pseuds/Riotstar
Summary: Jimmy looked so much older than he remembered, his hair shorter and his face thinner, with smile lines etched into his cheeks. The overall effect was still devastatingly handsome, but gone was the boyish charm Thomas had ascribed to him."Jimmy, how… what are you doing here?" Thomas felt himself smile.
Relationships: Jimmy Kent/Original Female Character(s), Thomas Barrow/Jimmy Kent, Thomas Barrow/Richard Ellis
Series: Remember Me, Love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1972450
Comments: 6
Kudos: 43





	Shrike

**Author's Note:**

> An experimental fic inspired by the Hozier song 'Shrike'. Set after the Downton Abbey movie, it's not a traditionally structured one so hopefully it's not too difficult to follow!

_I couldn't utter my love when it counted_

_Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now_

_And I couldn't whisper when you needed it shouted_

_Ah, but I'm singing like a bird 'bout it now_

_The words hung above_

_But never would form_

_Like a cry at the final breath that is drawn_

_Remember me love when I'm reborn_

_As the shrike to your sharp_

_And glorious thorn_

**October, 1928**

It had been four and a half years, since Jimmy had last set foot on the grounds of Downton Abbey. It seemed smaller than he remembered, and somehow more homely. A flock of birds flew up out of the trees, as he got out of the car at the bottom of the driveway, wanting to savour the moment. He tipped the driver and told him he wouldn't need him to wait. Dark clouds overhead threatened rain, but Jimmy felt the calm lure of the countryside calling out to him, like a forgotten primal need. 

Everything was so _green_ , even in the grey light of a day where the sun had barely managed to show itself. He noticed for the first time how silent it was, as he walked up the drive, with only the crunch of gravel beneath his feet and the car engine retreating into the distance to accompany him. The air smelled like fresh, dewy morning grass, and very, _very_ faintly of farmyards and haystacks. Jimmy took his cap off, holding it by his side along with his briefcase, and looked up at the sky as he made his way round to the back of the house, to the service entrance.

Thomas was taking a moment in his office, skimming through the rest of the day's papers over a cup of tea, after the upstairs breakfast had been served. Most of the family were away on various errands, so it would only be Lord and Lady Grantham to see to for the rest of the day. Lord Grantham had suggested an informal, pre-prepared luncheon as it was only the two of them, to give the household staff some free time. Mrs Patmore had gone to the guest house, Mrs Hughes and the Bates back to their cottages, and Daisy and Andy to see Mr Mason, so Thomas was left to oversee the small number of Junior staff until the others returned for dinner. 

His peace was disturbed by the back door bell, and he rose to answer it, smiling to himself as he felt Richard's pendant shift against his chest, where it hung on a chain around his neck. They could not see each other as frequently as either would have liked, but they'd managed a few days together, here and there, and every time was an adventure. It was nice to have someone on equal footing, someone like him in a way most of the people in his life weren't. The sex was great, too. 

Thomas made his way down the hall, to the backdoor, and opened it to find the person he least expected standing before him.

"Jimmy?"

Thomas answered the door, and Jimmy was immediately struck by how different he looked. He seemed softer, and smaller than he remembered, less pale too, and he was greying at the temples, the suggestion of small wrinkles around his eyes. He didn't look at all like the cold, inscrutable, statuesque image Jimmy had built of him in his mind. 

Jimmy knew he looked different too, no longer the handsome, dashing young devil he'd arrived as. He hoped Thomas couldn't see how hard much of the last four and a half years had been on him. 

"Hullo, Thomas." Jimmy smiled sheepishly.

Jimmy looked so much older than he remembered, his hair shorter and his face thinner, with smile lines etched into his cheeks. The overall effect was still devastatingly handsome, but gone was the boyish charm Thomas had ascribed to him.

"Jimmy, how… what are you doing here?" Thomas felt himself smile.

"I was in York on business, had an extra day 'fore I had to go back to London, so I thought I'd come see my old haunts. Hope you don't mind." Jimmy took in Thomas' black tailcoat, waistcoat and tie. _So he was Butler now. Good for him._

"Not at all! Come in." Thomas held the door open for him, automatically moving to take his briefcase and coat, but Jimmy hung them on a peg by the door himself. _So he wasn't used to being waited on_ , Thomas surmised. 

"This way." Thomas gestured for him to come through to the Butler's office. Jimmy remembered the way as if he'd left yesterday, but it was with strange trepidation he entered, and sat in the chair in front of the desk. _I guess I've been shouted at by Carson enough times in this office that I'll never feel comfortable here._ The room looked much the same as it always had, though with a little more personality. There were more books on the shelves, and a few pictures on the walls that hadn't been there before.

Thomas watched Jimmy fidget in the chair, as though he was expecting Carson to pop up from beneath the desk and start berating him at any moment, and suppressed a laugh. Instead he went to pour Jimmy a cup of tea. He didn't need to ask how he liked it. He set it down on the desk and Jimmy nodded his gratitude, his hands still folded in his lap. Thomas took his own seat on the other side.

"If you were hoping to see everyone, I'm afraid they're all out." He tested the waters. Jimmy was still looking nervously around the room.

"Hmm, that's fine. You were me only friend here anyway." He met Thomas's gaze at last. Thomas thought he saw a hint of sadness in his eyes. 

Jimmy's mind flashed back, as it often did, to the night eight years ago, when he'd woken with Thomas's lips on his, except he'd played out so many different versions of that night in his head over the years that he could barely remember which was real, and which wasn't. He tried to put the images of what he wished had happened aside, and focus on the conversation at hand instead. 

"So, you're Butler now, finally got the better of old Carson did you? Or did he finally give himself an aneurysm with all that pent up outrage?" Jimmy forced himself to smile.

"Something like that." Thomas smiled in return. _If only you knew_. "What have you been up to?" _You stopped answering my letters._

"Oh, this and that." _It's been hard._ "Did a few odd jobs here and there for a while, but I finally got on to something promising." 

"Oh? What's that?" Jimmy was dressed in a smart, grey checked suit, in a fashionable, but not custom tailored fit. _Business-like, he's not in service anymore._

"Managed to get a job as a Junior Buyer, for an upmarket department store in London." _I go where they send me and pass messages back and forth between my bosses and theirs._

"Sounds important." _Sounds like a job for a modern man._

"I 'spose." Jimmy shrugged. "Think I'm in with a chance of working my way up anyway, working in a big house like this actually helped, in a way, gave me an eye for the finer things in life, an' everyone wants a piece of that life, nowadays." _I know the difference between tat, and posh tat._ "How are things here?"

 _Boring._ "Oh, you know, the same as ever really, only Carson's retired so I don't have him breathing down my neck all day." _Most of the time, at least._ "He and Mrs Hughes got married."

 _Now there's a shocker._ "Good for them." Jimmy still couldn't look at him for too long. "How about the others?" _How about you?_

"Daisy's gettin' married again, to a new guy, Andy." _Your replacement_. "And Mrs Patmore opened a guest house. There's a funny story there, actually." _But I'd rather talk about you._

"I'm sure we've time to catch up properly later." _I'm sorry I stopped writing back._ "Do you have much to do today?" _Now that I'm here, I don't want to leave._

"Actually, not really, no." _I'd drop everything for you._ "Most of the family's away, so once dinner's served this evening I'll be able to leave them to it." _They can like it or lump it._ "You can stay, if you like." _Please stay._

"I'm not sure His Lordship will be pleased." _The last time I was here, I ruined everything._

"His Lordship wouldn't want to be seen to be ungenerous, you're a guest now." _His Lordship isn't sending you away again._

"Fair enough." _A guest. How things change._ "I wouldn't want to get you into trouble." _Again._

"I've given them enough trouble over the years and I'm still here, I suppose I keep things interesting for them." Thomas tried for a roguish grin, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Did you say you were working in London?"

"That's right. Got me self a room in a shared house, but we're looking to get our own place, after the wedding." _Why did Thomas look so sad just then?_ "It won't be much, but at least it'll be ours."

"We?" _Of course we, what did he expect?_

"Me and Clara. My fiancé." _I supposed I should've told you about that, too._

"Congratulations." _It still hurts, after all this time._

"Thank you." Jimmy replied, absentmindedly. Thomas licked his bottom lip nervously, and Jimmy's mind flooded with images he'd conjured over the years when he lay in bed at night, alone, and wishing he wasn't.

"What's she like? She must be quite somethin' to get you to settle down!" _Finally did what you promised, I guess._

"She's kind, and funny, you'd like her." _She's nothing like you._ "I've got a picture, actually." Jimmy fumbled in his coat pocket for his wallet, and pulled out a small, black and white image, which he handed to Thomas.

The woman in the photo did indeed look kind. She was professionally dressed, with fashionably styled short brown hair and large, expressive eyes, a soft smile on her lips. _Lips that Jimmy had undoubtedly kissed._ "She looks nice." _He meant it._

"She's a trooper." _She got me back on my feet._ "How about you? Anyone special?" _What a stupid question._

"Actually, yes." Thomas felt the pendant brush against his chest again. "Sort of anyway."

"What? Tell me everything!" _I'm so happy for you. So why do I feel like crying?_

"He's a sort of... special friend, you could say." _The sex was great._ "He's a valet, to the king." _He's not around as much as either of us would like._

"Thomas, that's great, really!" _He is my mortal enemy and I hate him._

"It's better than I ever thought possible, really." _It's more than I deserve._

"I'm glad you found someone." _Have you fucked yet?_

"I'm glad you have too." _I just wish it had been me._

_Dragging along_

_Following your form_

_Hung like the pelt of some prey you had worn_

_Remember me love when I'm reborn_

_As the shrike to your sharp_

_And glorious thorn_

They talked about everything but the elephant in the room, until the other members of staff began to file back in to prepare for dinner, and Mrs Patmore came to make sure no surprise guests had been added to the table. The moment she saw Jimmy, a wry smile passed across her lips. "Ah, here comes trouble!"

"Nice to see you too, Mrs Patmore." Jimmy slipped back into the suave persona. 

"Well, let's have a look at you!" 

_I'm not a child._ Jimmy rose, and allowed Mrs Patmore to fuss over him. He knew he was skinny, and he could tell by the way her brow furrowed that she'd noticed. 

"Are you staying for dinner?" _She thinks I need fattening up._ Jimmy glanced over at Thomas, who looked amused by Mrs Patmore's maternal fussing. 

"Actually, I was hoping we could meet in the village pub later." _Neutral ground._ "If Thomas can get away?"

"I'd like that. You'll all be alright, won't you? It's only the two of them." Thomas was looking at Jimmy curiously. 

"Mhhm. We'll cope." Mrs Patmore looked a little disappointed at the lost opportunity to force him to eat a hearty meal, but there was the spark of something else in her eyes, like she knew more than Jimmy wanted her to. "Make sure you say hello to everyone, before you go swanning off mind." She gave them both a rueful smile, and returned to the kitchen.

"Well, I should leave you to it." _I don't want to go._

"I'll meet you there in a few hours." _I'll be counting the seconds._

Jimmy held out his hand, Thomas took it, and Jimmy felt like he was being burned by the flood of emotions that came with it. _The first time they'd touched, since the last time._ He felt Thomas's thumb stroke the back of his hand, for a brief, eternal moment, just as their hands separated.

"I missed you." Jimmy blurted out, and Thomas grinned, wide and genuine.

"I missed you too, Jimmy." Jimmy smiled back, and in that moment, the Jimmy before him was no longer the tired, world weary man he'd invited into his office, but the cocksure youth that he'd first met in the room next door, all those years ago.

_I fled to the city with so much discounted_

_Ah, but I'm flying like a bird to you now_

_Back to the hedgerows where bodies are mounted_

_Ah, but I'm flying like a bird to you now_

_I was housed by your warmth_

_But I was transformed_

_By your grounded and giving_

_And darkening scorn_

_Remember me love when I'm reborn_

_As the shrike to your sharp_

_And glorious thorn_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading ^.^
> 
> Kindly betad by [EllenMarieP <3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllenMarieP/pseuds/EllenMarieP)


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